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Forbidding a child certain behaviors does not imply that he learns what is appropriate behavior.How to educate the child who bites? In the case of babies or children who bite their friends or classmates at school, the child only knows that biting is not right, but does not know what is the appropriate behavior to get what he wants.
Children must be set as an example and shown new forms of relationship (use language to express feelings, listen to the other, take turns, wait times, caresses and hugs, etc.). And, of course, praise children when they are behaving appropriately (for example, asking another child for permission before picking up a toy).
To eliminate this type of behavior requires that parents and educators intervene in a coordinated and coherent way. The attitude of all adults must match. It is useless to censor the attitude at school, if it is allowed at home, or vice versa. Working together, the causes will be better identified and responded to in the best possible way. Always It is necessary to transmit, clearly and firmly, that the aggression is not accepted in any caseBut, at the same time, you have to offer them an appropriate role model: they have to know what we expect of them. And always, the quality of the affective bond must be preserved: it is necessary to try to change this behavior while maintaining a positive relationship with him.
Can't hurt! It is a short phrase that, firmly stated, any child understands. This rule must always be present, but surely it will have to be reminded him on numerous occasions throughout his childhood. When a child bites, you have to intervene quickly but also calmly. Separate him from the playgroup (after caring for the bitten child) and show our disapproval in a way that does not reinforce the behavior.
You have to explain, looking into his eyes, that his partner has hurt and that he will not be allowed to do it anymore. You have to take some time to reflect (one or two minutes), and you will not be able to return to the group until you have calmed down. If he wants to play with the others, he must stop biting. It is also important to give him the opportunity to have a restorative behavior (help heal his partner, kiss him, apologize ...). Dislike! Children must also learn to express their discomfort ('I don't like it when you bite me, you have hurt me', 'don't take my wrist, I'm playing with it'). If they learn to use 'no', they will minimize the chance of becoming victims.
The development of language and understanding are essential to achieve self-control and develop personal confidence and self-esteem. And, in particular, a child who bites should be given special attention when he is playing with other children peacefully; this way you will know that there are better ways to communicate and be recognized. You will see that we value your good behavior and you will not have to resort to aggressive behavior to get us to listen to you.
What should never be done is to bite the child who bites, as punishment or to show him what hurts. When they are very young, they cannot relate the pain they feel when they bite them with the pain they cause when they bite others. Do not use violence or humiliation to eradicate them. It must be emphasized that problems are solved through dialogue, never by force.
What if it still doesn't stop biting? Generally, when the problem is dealt with in a firm and consistent way, most children understand what is being said and quickly stop biting. But if, despite our attempts, biting becomes a continuous problem (especially when the child is over three years old), it may be necessary to seek the help of a professional and / or consider the possibility of the child being in an environment with fewer children and more individual attention.
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